Awakened
God crushed me. I am weak.
I write this words, knowing that they are the words that are waiting to be said, but knowing how people react to such words.
We have all seen the National Geographic documentals. We all know that "only the strong" survive. Most of our energy is spent in "being strong" or at least in pretendig to be strong.
but God crushed me, I cannot say "I am strong"
I look back and remember the reaction of friends as they saw what was going on. Horror in their eyes and moving aside. No, I did not have lepresy, but I was defenitly not the woman they had once known.
Where had she gone? That woman so strong...
Awakening. Didn´t know it would be so painful...so life changing.
Awakening. I smile, I had prayed for it to be so.
Awakening. It crushed me. Life changing, but now
I am not strong.Not the life I expected
WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
AWAKENING! AWAKENING! AWAKENING! AWAKENING!
Agony, pain, fear, restlessness...weakness.
Agony, pain and fear make my bones hurt, a fire type of pain, a fire type of agony.
Restlessness, takes my patience away, makes me want to shake the world to the bottom of its roots.
Weakness...doesn´t even allow me to take a deep breath.
AWAKEN!
Awakened to the reality of the world. Poverty, corruption, hatred, selfishness, homosexuality, abortion, suicide, adultry, confusion, fornication,rebelliousness, pride, arrogance....darkeness, such deep darkness.
AWAKEN!
Awakended to the reality of the church. Distracted, doing so much and being so little, talking-forever talking, and reaching out so little, praying so much, obeying so little...huge gates keeping us safe inside, far from the ugliness of the world.
AWAKEN!
Awakened to the reality of my own heart. Void, dark, disorderly...so different from the heart God longs to see in me.
AWAKEN!
Awakened to the reality of who God really is. Not at all the God I had wished Him to be.
For months my prayers were: Have mercy.
I am tired.
I have seen too much.
I have heard too much
I have felt too much.
Have mercy.
Have mercy.
Have mercy.
To bring forth a revival, awakening must preceed.
I must say I understand what is going on better now, but isn´t it strange... we pray for a revival, yet dare not see...
and isn´t it strange that the awakening process crushes you and destroys the very person who is supposed to be used to bring forth life?
I do ask God..."a revival? Lord, you have crushed me. I can hardly move through the motions of a normal day. A revival? ...send another Lord, not me."
Too tired. Seen too much. Heard too much. Felt too much.
Too tired. Too weak. Too crushed.
" A revival, Lord? Send another, not me"
I write this words, knowing that they are the words that are waiting to be said, but knowing how people react to such words.
We have all seen the National Geographic documentals. We all know that "only the strong" survive. Most of our energy is spent in "being strong" or at least in pretendig to be strong.
but God crushed me, I cannot say "I am strong"
I look back and remember the reaction of friends as they saw what was going on. Horror in their eyes and moving aside. No, I did not have lepresy, but I was defenitly not the woman they had once known.
Where had she gone? That woman so strong...
Awakening. Didn´t know it would be so painful...so life changing.
Awakening. I smile, I had prayed for it to be so.
Awakening. It crushed me. Life changing, but now
I am not strong.Not the life I expected
WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
AWAKENING! AWAKENING! AWAKENING! AWAKENING!
Agony, pain, fear, restlessness...weakness.
Agony, pain and fear make my bones hurt, a fire type of pain, a fire type of agony.
Restlessness, takes my patience away, makes me want to shake the world to the bottom of its roots.
Weakness...doesn´t even allow me to take a deep breath.
AWAKEN!
Awakened to the reality of the world. Poverty, corruption, hatred, selfishness, homosexuality, abortion, suicide, adultry, confusion, fornication,rebelliousness, pride, arrogance....darkeness, such deep darkness.
AWAKEN!
Awakended to the reality of the church. Distracted, doing so much and being so little, talking-forever talking, and reaching out so little, praying so much, obeying so little...huge gates keeping us safe inside, far from the ugliness of the world.
AWAKEN!
Awakened to the reality of my own heart. Void, dark, disorderly...so different from the heart God longs to see in me.
AWAKEN!
Awakened to the reality of who God really is. Not at all the God I had wished Him to be.
For months my prayers were: Have mercy.
I am tired.
I have seen too much.
I have heard too much
I have felt too much.
Have mercy.
Have mercy.
Have mercy.
To bring forth a revival, awakening must preceed.
I must say I understand what is going on better now, but isn´t it strange... we pray for a revival, yet dare not see...
and isn´t it strange that the awakening process crushes you and destroys the very person who is supposed to be used to bring forth life?
I do ask God..."a revival? Lord, you have crushed me. I can hardly move through the motions of a normal day. A revival? ...send another Lord, not me."
Too tired. Seen too much. Heard too much. Felt too much.
Too tired. Too weak. Too crushed.
" A revival, Lord? Send another, not me"
posted by thisfool @ 2:42 AM
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