my vision
I received a letter from a friend. She has known me since highscool...long time! She writes and tells me: "I have read your mission statement, it describes you perfectly..." I sit back and I am totally puzzeled. HEY! it took me 40 years life experience, plus 1 year of retreat to write that unpolished mission statement!
And for her it was obvious all the time?!?
Well, perhaps it was the other voices that made me fall into fear and confusion...and then there is always that part of me who sins...
I finished the retreat and I was expecting several years of boredom ahead, before hearing God saying "ok, lets get to work". So I was extremely surprised when He asked me to get involved a couple of weeks ago. Surprised, glad and most thankful.
In order to get to work I had to change into my overalls, and as I was doing so, I suddenly realized that the questions which took me to the retreat last year...were still not answered!!
God being God.
He took advantage of my attention and showed me much deeper things...but now I was wearing my overals, and had my tools in my hands and then as I try to walk out the door I find these questions getting in my way.
I looked at God rather surprised. I am sure He laughed but not on the outside. So I put down my tools and sat down. "Lord, I need the answers before I walk out the door."
We have had a good talk.
Yes, that is my mission statement. It is good to finally have something printed and signed by God.
Yes, it has been a long walk. In 40 years you can collect a lot of junk.
As I went into the retreat I expected God to deal with my mind in such a way that I could adapt to church life. This was my true expectation.
You see I love God, and I love the church. You know that verse, the one that says, see how beautiful it is for brothers to abide together in love before God? It is one of my favorites. My house was always full of this. People laughing, crying, sharing ice-cream, enjoying life, living life together. This is my simple concept of church. By the way, we often prayed and read the Bible too, but it was a cool mixture of both.
For me it is that simple. People gathering, enjoying eachother and allowing God to be part of the fun. This is church.
So obviously I have problems when I try to join an official church. And usually the result is that I end up being called a rebel and being hurt by that.
For me it is simple: if God is going to be part of the fun, we have to let Him actually participate of the decisions- even if they are strange, even if we will loose a lot of followers by obeing Him. I mean...it is supposed to be that way. He is the master, we are not.
Let me talk somemore, it is important for me. I am honestly tired of being called a rebel, by the people who are supposed to be working along my side to perfom the task we have been assigned.
Somethings are wrong and have got to change if we are to participate in a revival.
Somethings are wrong and have got to change if we are to participate along with God.
You have no idea how much energy I wasted by fighting the fear of being bad. Of being wrong. Of being a rebel.
I lost so much strenght under the accusation of always wanting to do things my way- Hey! it was not my idea...it was God's! He told me!!!!
Church, ministry, life...it is not complex. It is rather simple. You get up and do it everyday. You hear God's direction, you obey. No problem! It really works out well.
My problem starts when I try to join the official church, the structured church.
I cannot seem to find my place.
For many it is easy to choose a place. Check the doctrine, the vision, distance from home, one or two more details and you have found the place.
For me it is hard. Real hard.
It is not the people as people that I crash into.
It is the structure that is stiffening.
I believe in order. I do. I believe in self-managment. I do. Clear finances....I understand that bit.
But my problem remains, I cant seem to find my place: the one to function in, to do what I have to do. And I cannot feel whole until I find that place.
Let me give you an example:
Understanding who I am. Understanding the work God has done in me. Understanding that I am imperfect, but yes I am now in conditions to give.
I arrive to a church. Any church.
But lets make it pentecostal or something that is suppossed to be more flexible.
Good doctrine.
The first thing that will happen: I will get a list of requirements to become a member.
This will most likely include courses of doctrine. Basic doctrine.
There will be a cell group appointed to me, and I will be expected to attend every week.
Some will have more requirements. Attend at least half a year, or a year before I can apply to be a member.
Finally I will be a member. Great. Now I have to walk a long process in order to get to a position of authority. Not the main pastor or anything of the sort. Just a cell leader. Nothing more. Your walk may have been different...I am talking out of my own experience. You have to attend one million meetings, then get the traininig, and then you get to open your cell group, or your family group or whatever it is called in that church.
You finally have your cell group. Great. Now you look at your schedule and it is full....of meetings. The cell group meeting, the leader of cell group meeting, the intercession meeting, the sunday meeting...and all the extra activities meetings.
No time to actually do what one is supposed to do in discipleship, no time to visit the sick, no time to play a bit, no time to buy a flower and surprise visit someone, no time to sit back and listen to this person's heart, no time to knit bonds, real bonds, the type that will take you to the place where one can actually enter the other persons heart/garden with most respect and help in the gardening.
Just suddenly extremely busy...but not doing what I have been called to do. So I stop and beging to question things. And I end up being looked upon with a frown.
It has been this way, over and over and over again.
"You guys this is cool, but what about my family, and what about the people that don´t come to church...and the people we are suppose to visit out there...and the hospitals...and the villages..."
Let me define myself as energetic..even extremely energetic. I have so much energy and so much to give that God always puts tons of people around me to care for. I mean, God knows that if He gives me only 12 people...I will kill them due to excessive amount of attention.
So where do I fit in the G12 system? lets say I get my list out now and say:
"ok, there is only room for 12....we have to cross out some names...."
Lets say I do it.
I will get into a gym to loose some energy there.
I cross out the rest. The ones that do not fit into the net.
because in the G12 system we divide the groups in a very practical way: a net of men, a net of women, a net of young people.
So lets say I am in the woman's net. I have to cross out the rest. The young men, and the married people and the teenagers, and the children....
good grieff! just writing this brings such pain to my heart...HOW CAN I CROSS THEM OUT FROM THE LIST...IF THEY HAVE BEEN PLANTED DEEP INTO MY HEART????
The church, is a people type of thing. It is not a factory. I cannot believe we are so sold out into a system that we forget the way it is supposed to be. I mention the G12, but way before the G12 came out to the market, I had similar problems with the previous systems. I have always had problems with the church systems. They stiffle me, they do not let me breath. They take out the fun of serving God.
Do you know God is interested in people?
He really is. Do you know that He has used me to minister to many who do not attend church? and to minister to others that are proffessing catholics?
Do you know that God gets bored with so many meetings? He really does.
Do you know God loves people?
Do you know the thrill He gets when we take the time to share with each other...a sunset, an ice-cream, a tear, a laugh?
Where do we get so lost? Where do we get so confused?
Do you know God moves in favor of people, even if they will never repent?
Such is the God I serve.
He does not comfort people so they will attend to church on Sunday. He comforts people because He loves them, even if they will betray Him on Sunday.
I am being honest and blunt. I do not know what will happen next in this aspect in my life. But I am glad to have things clear in my mind. It is so good to realize once and for all that I was not bad. I do love the body of Christ, a lot.
I understand this systems have been adopted to have order and some type of control so real wacky people do not hurt the young.
But today I am only in the step of understanding MY personal experience. In order to defeat fear and to continue my work with joy.
I have a ministry. God has called it time to move on.
I WILL OBEY.
There are people out there who are hungry for God... I will get to work.
It is late. I will do it without fear.
And all the voices questions getting in my way? I will push them aside as I say...it is not complex, it is a simple thing, it is about life, and love and daring to touch those who are in need. Such is my ministry.
I have done it all my life. Ever since I was a kid.
It is simple, not complex, it is about life, and love and daring to touch those who are in need.
Such is my ministy.
And for her it was obvious all the time?!?
Well, perhaps it was the other voices that made me fall into fear and confusion...and then there is always that part of me who sins...
I finished the retreat and I was expecting several years of boredom ahead, before hearing God saying "ok, lets get to work". So I was extremely surprised when He asked me to get involved a couple of weeks ago. Surprised, glad and most thankful.
In order to get to work I had to change into my overalls, and as I was doing so, I suddenly realized that the questions which took me to the retreat last year...were still not answered!!
God being God.
He took advantage of my attention and showed me much deeper things...but now I was wearing my overals, and had my tools in my hands and then as I try to walk out the door I find these questions getting in my way.
I looked at God rather surprised. I am sure He laughed but not on the outside. So I put down my tools and sat down. "Lord, I need the answers before I walk out the door."
We have had a good talk.
Yes, that is my mission statement. It is good to finally have something printed and signed by God.
Yes, it has been a long walk. In 40 years you can collect a lot of junk.
As I went into the retreat I expected God to deal with my mind in such a way that I could adapt to church life. This was my true expectation.
You see I love God, and I love the church. You know that verse, the one that says, see how beautiful it is for brothers to abide together in love before God? It is one of my favorites. My house was always full of this. People laughing, crying, sharing ice-cream, enjoying life, living life together. This is my simple concept of church. By the way, we often prayed and read the Bible too, but it was a cool mixture of both.
For me it is that simple. People gathering, enjoying eachother and allowing God to be part of the fun. This is church.
So obviously I have problems when I try to join an official church. And usually the result is that I end up being called a rebel and being hurt by that.
For me it is simple: if God is going to be part of the fun, we have to let Him actually participate of the decisions- even if they are strange, even if we will loose a lot of followers by obeing Him. I mean...it is supposed to be that way. He is the master, we are not.
Let me talk somemore, it is important for me. I am honestly tired of being called a rebel, by the people who are supposed to be working along my side to perfom the task we have been assigned.
Somethings are wrong and have got to change if we are to participate in a revival.
Somethings are wrong and have got to change if we are to participate along with God.
You have no idea how much energy I wasted by fighting the fear of being bad. Of being wrong. Of being a rebel.
I lost so much strenght under the accusation of always wanting to do things my way- Hey! it was not my idea...it was God's! He told me!!!!
Church, ministry, life...it is not complex. It is rather simple. You get up and do it everyday. You hear God's direction, you obey. No problem! It really works out well.
My problem starts when I try to join the official church, the structured church.
I cannot seem to find my place.
For many it is easy to choose a place. Check the doctrine, the vision, distance from home, one or two more details and you have found the place.
For me it is hard. Real hard.
It is not the people as people that I crash into.
It is the structure that is stiffening.
I believe in order. I do. I believe in self-managment. I do. Clear finances....I understand that bit.
But my problem remains, I cant seem to find my place: the one to function in, to do what I have to do. And I cannot feel whole until I find that place.
Let me give you an example:
Understanding who I am. Understanding the work God has done in me. Understanding that I am imperfect, but yes I am now in conditions to give.
I arrive to a church. Any church.
But lets make it pentecostal or something that is suppossed to be more flexible.
Good doctrine.
The first thing that will happen: I will get a list of requirements to become a member.
This will most likely include courses of doctrine. Basic doctrine.
There will be a cell group appointed to me, and I will be expected to attend every week.
Some will have more requirements. Attend at least half a year, or a year before I can apply to be a member.
Finally I will be a member. Great. Now I have to walk a long process in order to get to a position of authority. Not the main pastor or anything of the sort. Just a cell leader. Nothing more. Your walk may have been different...I am talking out of my own experience. You have to attend one million meetings, then get the traininig, and then you get to open your cell group, or your family group or whatever it is called in that church.
You finally have your cell group. Great. Now you look at your schedule and it is full....of meetings. The cell group meeting, the leader of cell group meeting, the intercession meeting, the sunday meeting...and all the extra activities meetings.
No time to actually do what one is supposed to do in discipleship, no time to visit the sick, no time to play a bit, no time to buy a flower and surprise visit someone, no time to sit back and listen to this person's heart, no time to knit bonds, real bonds, the type that will take you to the place where one can actually enter the other persons heart/garden with most respect and help in the gardening.
Just suddenly extremely busy...but not doing what I have been called to do. So I stop and beging to question things. And I end up being looked upon with a frown.
It has been this way, over and over and over again.
"You guys this is cool, but what about my family, and what about the people that don´t come to church...and the people we are suppose to visit out there...and the hospitals...and the villages..."
Let me define myself as energetic..even extremely energetic. I have so much energy and so much to give that God always puts tons of people around me to care for. I mean, God knows that if He gives me only 12 people...I will kill them due to excessive amount of attention.
So where do I fit in the G12 system? lets say I get my list out now and say:
"ok, there is only room for 12....we have to cross out some names...."
Lets say I do it.
I will get into a gym to loose some energy there.
I cross out the rest. The ones that do not fit into the net.
because in the G12 system we divide the groups in a very practical way: a net of men, a net of women, a net of young people.
So lets say I am in the woman's net. I have to cross out the rest. The young men, and the married people and the teenagers, and the children....
good grieff! just writing this brings such pain to my heart...HOW CAN I CROSS THEM OUT FROM THE LIST...IF THEY HAVE BEEN PLANTED DEEP INTO MY HEART????
The church, is a people type of thing. It is not a factory. I cannot believe we are so sold out into a system that we forget the way it is supposed to be. I mention the G12, but way before the G12 came out to the market, I had similar problems with the previous systems. I have always had problems with the church systems. They stiffle me, they do not let me breath. They take out the fun of serving God.
Do you know God is interested in people?
He really is. Do you know that He has used me to minister to many who do not attend church? and to minister to others that are proffessing catholics?
Do you know that God gets bored with so many meetings? He really does.
Do you know God loves people?
Do you know the thrill He gets when we take the time to share with each other...a sunset, an ice-cream, a tear, a laugh?
Where do we get so lost? Where do we get so confused?
Do you know God moves in favor of people, even if they will never repent?
Such is the God I serve.
He does not comfort people so they will attend to church on Sunday. He comforts people because He loves them, even if they will betray Him on Sunday.
I am being honest and blunt. I do not know what will happen next in this aspect in my life. But I am glad to have things clear in my mind. It is so good to realize once and for all that I was not bad. I do love the body of Christ, a lot.
I understand this systems have been adopted to have order and some type of control so real wacky people do not hurt the young.
But today I am only in the step of understanding MY personal experience. In order to defeat fear and to continue my work with joy.
I have a ministry. God has called it time to move on.
I WILL OBEY.
There are people out there who are hungry for God... I will get to work.
It is late. I will do it without fear.
And all the voices questions getting in my way? I will push them aside as I say...it is not complex, it is a simple thing, it is about life, and love and daring to touch those who are in need. Such is my ministry.
I have done it all my life. Ever since I was a kid.
It is simple, not complex, it is about life, and love and daring to touch those who are in need.
Such is my ministy.
posted by thisfool @ 7:26 AM
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