"Bea, come forth!"

All this time I have been telling people that I am on a retreat. Jesus called it a grave. He was glad, and so am I.
The grave is not a comfortable place. But I liked being there...and I am glad to be getting out of there!!!
A whole year in a grave...wow. I lived 40 years, then died 1 and now I am ready to live the rest...in a very different way.
I have gone through different healing processes before, but this one has been really strange. In many ways it has implied death.
People´s reaction to my time apart has been similar to as if I had died. It has been interesting, some have sighed with relief "she is out of my way!", others have complained "she is no longer the same!", others have grieved "I miss you so much!", others have mourned "she is gone, I feel so lost", and others have remained silent but near, very near, praying for me everyday.
While all this was going on out there, outside my grave, I was enjoying my death bed. Well, at first I did not like it one bit, but later I got the hang of such a beautiful place. Quiet and calm, I needed the rest.
And I needed death. I have died to so much...to so much. Months of dying to all sorts of misconceptions, (of people, of me, of God).
"Bea, what did you do last year?"
I died and it will remain in my heart as the best year of my life.
Today is resusrrection day. I guess just for the fun of it Jesus chose this day to call my name and say, "Bea, come forth! it is time to get out of your grave!You have died, now you can rise up to live."
It is true, I have died. The world around me is basically the same. I know it hasn´t changed. Yes, some friends have gotten married, others have a baby on the way. But sin is still around, I will face death again.
I check my heart to see its reaction before the idea of being out in a fallen world again. I am surprised to notice that despite the fact that I am aware that the world is still filled with sin I am not scared to move out of my grave. I have died, now I can live.
I have died to so many misconceptions on how to live life in a sinful world and I have died to the expectation of finding Walt Disney Land. Here on earth there is sin, it is going to be rough. But I have been equipped with a different mind and different expectations of what my life should be like.
I know I will face pain,over and over and over again. And I know it will be ok. I have died, I no longer need a Walt Disney Land.

After my previous healing processes, when I had to get out of the hospital I had a fight with God. "I don´t want to go out there...I will get hurt again!"
This time it is different. I am coming out of the grave. A grave, no matter how peaceful and calm,is not really a place for a living person. I was made to live- and live abundantly. So I am glad it is time to get out and live.
I have died, I can now live.