my Isaac

A dear friend collected all "these" letters I wrote, she also chose a title for "the book". I love it, the title is: God´s way in Bea´s life.
I see it that way. God is God. We cannot limit Him. We can participate with Him in creating our lives into awesome lives. That is my aim, to participate with Him...I sometimes wonder if He regrets lending me the colors, because I chose those He would have never used ... but He is patient, and we just walk on.
So sometimes I do things that people don´t understand, or say things that "shouldn´t be"- but are...such is the story of my Isaac.
What I am going to share with you may crash against your doctrine, it does with mine...but that is the way I have lived this part of my life.

Last year I lost a revival. I started to see the result of such a thing. People that I dearly love, backsliding, or simply slipping on their way. I tried to God before God and pray. Like Aaron in the desert, stand between God and the people...but God said: "DON´T you dare! YOU are impure!"
Frozen. I just stood there and saw death walk past. Pain increased every time the phone rang and somebody told me how death had taken its toll in their home. Physically, spiritually or emotionally; death is death it brings forth pain.
Somebody else in the Bible knows how I felt. When we meet in heaven I know we both share this in common, and I know the look in our eyes are different than most people´s because most people haven´t done something like this...be glad.
DAVID, AS HE SAW THAT THE ANGEL OF THE LORD
WAS DESTROYING THE PEOPLE, PRAYED TO THE LORD:
"WHAT GUILT DO THESE SHEEP CARRY? IT IS I WHO
HAS SINNED!!! IT IS I WHO HAS DONE WRONG!!!
POUR YOUR WRATH OVER ME!"
I Samuel 24:17

(David added "pour your wrath over my family". I did not do that)
The Bible says that on that same day a prophet was sent to David. He told him what to do. Build an altar, and he gave him the exact place. The man wanted to give the land to David for free. David answered that he wasn´t going to give God an offering that didn´t cost him anything.
I turned to God..."Lord! It is I who has sinned!
Today I offer you my most precious treasure! Today I offer the only thing that is really mine! Lord...here are the nations. I give them to you. I tear them out of my heart! And I put them on the altar. I give them up.
please put your sword back!
please stop!"

When I told Elisheba this, she froze. "Bea! What were you thinking of?!?"
she knows God. She knew God had taken the nations from me. He had accepted the sacrifice. God started to move with pity over the church. (But a large number had already been touched by death)
"Elisheba, I feel lost. Ever since I was in my mom´s womb I knew I was called to the nations...now, I feel lost."
Some people would tell me "I will wait for you in Spain or It would be nice to see you in India..." every phrase deeply pained me. I would smile...but I knew I had given the nations up. I was not sure I would really be able to touch them again.
But yesterday, when I wrote to you all. There was such a strong move of the Holy Spirit over my life, I did not understand. I only thought "they are alive, the nations are alive!"
But it was much more than that.
Yesterday the nations were given back to me.

I do not know if you understand what that means to me, I just sit here totally surprised.
God seeing my human nature. Knowing that I have blown it so bad in the past...bends over and crowns me AND give me the nations back!!!!!
"GET INVOLVED" He told me...
The nations!!!!
I know I have been talking about this being a stage and then I would be back outside. But outside is not necessarily the nations. They had been taken away from me, now they are back...in my heart!!!
wow...
GET INVOLVED...GOD said.