the moon
There is a full moon again! A whole month has gone by since God spoke to me that night.
Last night He also used the moon, to give me a practicla lesson. And to test my heart.
First In just one month our planet has changed its inclination in such a way that now I see the moon in the opposite window. Did you feel the change? I didn´t, I know we changed stations. The calendar told me so, and the flowers in the garden...but I didn´t feel a jerk or anything of the sort.
Amazing. God can manage to change our planet´s position in such gentleness that we can´t feel the change. As I was thinking of this, He whispered "Bea, I can do the same with your heart."
I smile...I long for a new heart sooo bad.
But, but, but I kept waking up...waiting for the moment the moon would pass by. I did not want to miss the moment. And it seemed to take for ever. Finally, I woke up and started to see its light, it was getting closer!! excitement filled my heart...I went back to sleep, but not soundly...I kept waking up. And NOTHING....grrr!
That was my reaction. I got mad. I turned my back on the window and even punched my pillow. Blush, blush.
I inmediatly apologized, "Sorry, Lord, I guess I am just tired...you know how I get without enough sleep...sorry!" "Time, Bea, time. My perfect timing. I have planned the timing of the universe. Trust my time!"
I fall asleep. Pondering on that fact.
Again I awake. The moon has passed by!!!! GRRRRRR
"How foolish can I be...chasing the moon! Who cares? It is only the stupid moon!"
OUCH.
I felt God´s pain.
I had failed the test.
A TESTED AND FOUND RIGHT HEART... will I ever be able to offer such a heart to my God?
With my eyes filled with pain I look up to Him,"I am sorry Lord! I really am!"
He is silent, so am I.
There is no more room for words. We have talked about the issue before...my rebelioussness. My not accepting His way, nor His time. Now, there is no more room for words. Only silence fills my room.
God waits for repentance to fill my heart. Deep, honest repentance, one that will bring forth a heart felt prayer, not a quick "sorry, hope its better next time" kind of prayer, but a deep, deep heart felt prayer:
"Dear God,
You are all I want. You are my all.
I do want to accept you as you.
I want to accept you as God.
Lord, I don´t only ask for forgiveness,
I ask for a new heart.
I do not want you to do maintainance work.
I want a heart transplant.
I want a new heart.
A heart that acknowledges you as God.
A heart tested and found right."
I pray this words over and over again. Hoping to reach His mercy and His grace. I pray, I pray this words, with a longing to be heard.
I do not know how much time has gone by, the Holy Spirit takes me by the hand and leads me to the window. There we stand, watching the moon dissappear behind the mountains, it is now tinted with red.
We stand there in silence. Just watching. Perfect timing in action.
Before I can speak my next prayer which is "mercy, mercy, mercy...give me a new heart...", the birds start to sing, announcing a new day, a fresh start.
God is silent. He does not need to speak. He knows that I know the verse that says:
GOD´S MERCY IS NEW EVERY DAY.
A new day, a fresh start, a new hope, new mercy for a new heart...
I wonder if He is changing my heart,
the way He changes the earth inclination
gently and with perfect timing....
I wonder if one fine day I will wake up and be surprised by the beauty of my new heart... I have the strange feeling that something deep happened this morning...in my heart AND in God´s heart.
strange, no?
reminds me I do not know God ...
I now stand looking at Him with a puzzeled look..."God? what happened in your heart this morning? why do you have your eyes filled with happy tears? God? why is it hard for you to speak?"
I look away...perplex at the fact that God would allow me to see, this side of Him.
How gentle He can be!!!
Why did I look away? Because I could tell He was embarrased by the fact that I saw Him disconcerted.
BEA!!!!
hush!! it is true...I don´t know why He is disconcerted, I may get the courage to ask later on, but right now I have a mishevous twinkle and a smile...He was embarrased!
what a surprise!
Silence, it is once more filling my room. But it is a different type of silence.
It is an "I love you!" type of silence.
Our love for each other...hard to describe,
we both treasure it dearly,
we have both paid a high price for it.
We both have given all to be near each other.
Our love for each other...hard to describe.
Last night He also used the moon, to give me a practicla lesson. And to test my heart.
First In just one month our planet has changed its inclination in such a way that now I see the moon in the opposite window. Did you feel the change? I didn´t, I know we changed stations. The calendar told me so, and the flowers in the garden...but I didn´t feel a jerk or anything of the sort.
Amazing. God can manage to change our planet´s position in such gentleness that we can´t feel the change. As I was thinking of this, He whispered "Bea, I can do the same with your heart."
I smile...I long for a new heart sooo bad.
But, but, but I kept waking up...waiting for the moment the moon would pass by. I did not want to miss the moment. And it seemed to take for ever. Finally, I woke up and started to see its light, it was getting closer!! excitement filled my heart...I went back to sleep, but not soundly...I kept waking up. And NOTHING....grrr!
That was my reaction. I got mad. I turned my back on the window and even punched my pillow. Blush, blush.
I inmediatly apologized, "Sorry, Lord, I guess I am just tired...you know how I get without enough sleep...sorry!" "Time, Bea, time. My perfect timing. I have planned the timing of the universe. Trust my time!"
I fall asleep. Pondering on that fact.
Again I awake. The moon has passed by!!!! GRRRRRR
"How foolish can I be...chasing the moon! Who cares? It is only the stupid moon!"
OUCH.
I felt God´s pain.
I had failed the test.
A TESTED AND FOUND RIGHT HEART... will I ever be able to offer such a heart to my God?
With my eyes filled with pain I look up to Him,"I am sorry Lord! I really am!"
He is silent, so am I.
There is no more room for words. We have talked about the issue before...my rebelioussness. My not accepting His way, nor His time. Now, there is no more room for words. Only silence fills my room.
God waits for repentance to fill my heart. Deep, honest repentance, one that will bring forth a heart felt prayer, not a quick "sorry, hope its better next time" kind of prayer, but a deep, deep heart felt prayer:
"Dear God,
You are all I want. You are my all.
I do want to accept you as you.
I want to accept you as God.
Lord, I don´t only ask for forgiveness,
I ask for a new heart.
I do not want you to do maintainance work.
I want a heart transplant.
I want a new heart.
A heart that acknowledges you as God.
A heart tested and found right."
I pray this words over and over again. Hoping to reach His mercy and His grace. I pray, I pray this words, with a longing to be heard.
I do not know how much time has gone by, the Holy Spirit takes me by the hand and leads me to the window. There we stand, watching the moon dissappear behind the mountains, it is now tinted with red.
We stand there in silence. Just watching. Perfect timing in action.
Before I can speak my next prayer which is "mercy, mercy, mercy...give me a new heart...", the birds start to sing, announcing a new day, a fresh start.
God is silent. He does not need to speak. He knows that I know the verse that says:
GOD´S MERCY IS NEW EVERY DAY.
A new day, a fresh start, a new hope, new mercy for a new heart...
I wonder if He is changing my heart,
the way He changes the earth inclination
gently and with perfect timing....
I wonder if one fine day I will wake up and be surprised by the beauty of my new heart... I have the strange feeling that something deep happened this morning...in my heart AND in God´s heart.
strange, no?
reminds me I do not know God ...
I now stand looking at Him with a puzzeled look..."God? what happened in your heart this morning? why do you have your eyes filled with happy tears? God? why is it hard for you to speak?"
I look away...perplex at the fact that God would allow me to see, this side of Him.
How gentle He can be!!!
Why did I look away? Because I could tell He was embarrased by the fact that I saw Him disconcerted.
BEA!!!!
hush!! it is true...I don´t know why He is disconcerted, I may get the courage to ask later on, but right now I have a mishevous twinkle and a smile...He was embarrased!
what a surprise!
Silence, it is once more filling my room. But it is a different type of silence.
It is an "I love you!" type of silence.
Our love for each other...hard to describe,
we both treasure it dearly,
we have both paid a high price for it.
We both have given all to be near each other.
Our love for each other...hard to describe.
posted by thisfool @ 10:43 AM
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