we have overcome

Last night I went to bed understanding God´s wisdom and beginning to see part of His plan:
It is His desire to use me to face and awaken
a sleeping church.

This morning I wake up with one thought:
How Lord?

It is not a How of incredulity, it is of curiosity. He laughs, but doesn´t answer.

I lay in bed in silence. This is serious, He means businness, so there must be a strategy...how???
I think God laughed out of the pleasure of the look in my eyes. He knows He has caught my attention, and He knows we have overcome.
"Overcome,Bea? You don´t even know the strategy!"
We have overcome, because it was me that could have gotten in the way and I am not getting in the way.
I could have chosen to say NO. I could have said "I have done my share, I have done enough"- knowing that in a way it is true.
It would not have been an answer done in rebellion. God told me that I could chose it in peace, because in deed I had completed that which He had appointed to me.
But as I wrote that letter last night I knew that I agreed with the words. Without a previous talk with God on the matter I had said YES.
You have heard of my present weakness, yet there is incredible strength in me as I say YES. A determination and boldness- that often has been confused with stubborness- that I thought I had lost for life...it is back.
When did it happen? Last night? Or has God been working so gently that I had not noticed the healing touch, the creating touch...
How are we to wake up the church?
Today I notice that I have changed for my reaction to the question.
I have no specific answer.
But for the first time in my life I am certain that God does have a perfect plan, all I have to do is follow Him- one step at a time (and each by grace)
Peace-not anxiety
Determination- not doubt
Strenght- not weakness
Where, when did they come? I am so surprised!
I really do not think it was an overnight miracle. I see it has been a long and gentle work of my God in my heart.
Excitement is making my heart thump faster, pushing life into my veins...it finally feels like spring in the inside.
Do not expect to see me blooming tomorrow. Even spring takes its time...but it is happening, deep inside life is moving about...it will reach the surface soon enough.
So many years, obeying God in fear. "Do you trust me,Bea Gasca?" "No, but I will obey out of love"
It was so hard. It tired me so much. All the life that fears suck from you!!! But I am glad I obeyed, even if it was in fear.
I am soooo glad I obeyed God IN EVERYTHING that I did obey...even the most illogical things. Even the ones that led to huge deserts. Even the ones that led to deep, deep pain...in fact I am specially most glad I obeyed in those.
The result?
I now understand that God is God.
I now understand that I can trust Him, He will crush me but life will eventually come forth in even fuller strength and "crystal clear" beauty.
I now see clearly that it has been worthwhile, to be God´s fool is my reason for being.
My obedience to His foolish requests has brought so much knowledge of WHO God really is...and this has changed my life so much and I am so happy!
Those near me know that I have "nothing" to be happy for. Where is the organization you work for? What about your congregation? Your kids? Your finances? Your collegue degree?
I have none of these.
Then what are you boasting about? Why are you glad?

I know God as God.
We have overcome.