my quest for life
MY QUEST FOR LIFE
I am not really sure what I mean with this. You can laugh, I myself smile.
But that is the best way to describe an inner hunger, an inner drive. This inner drive has taken me to do the most incredible things...but it has not been satisfied. I continue to have a feeling that I am missing out on a key part of the plan.
It is strange because in a way I do have a satisfied feeling. In fact I often say "I can die now" and I truly mean it. I have given so much...I have done so much...I have done things with so much passion and zeal...so in a way I have lived life and I am satisfied.
Perhaps I should be more specific, perhaps it is my quest for Life in ministry ...but I do not want to limit things like this...I just can't seem to be able to find the right words. Right now I can only think of one person that could really understand what I am trying to say. And not because she herself understands this QUEST FOR LIFE...or has the answers that are unsettling me, but because she herself has the very same questions.
You see I love God. He is everything to me, He is my very best friend and I do want to make Him known. I want others to know Him, so He can care for them as He has cared for me. Life in this planet is hard, I do not understand how people walk without God...
But I have a huge void, somehow I cannot seem to fit into church or missionary organizations...everything is ok to a point...but then there is this point in which it seems we start to miss out on LIFE.
It seems we are so ministry oriented that we no longer LIVE. It is that simple, not too complex to understand. What is really complex for me is to understand how I am to serve God, without missing out on life. Jesus said he had come to give us abundant life, some consider this to be eternal life...but He would have said that. He did not, He said "abundant life"
And life is about having a cup of coffee while enjoying some good music. Life is about reading bed night stories to your kids. Life is about butterflies, flowers and sunsets. Life is about walking with mom to buy some bread. Life is about sharing secrets and love stories. Life is about falling in love and sometimes out of love. Life is about candies, ice-cream and cakes. Life is about having time to laugh with a friend. Life is about being human and being allowed to make mistakes and even to smell bad once in a while. Life is about resting and reading a good book. Life is about taking a visit to a museum. A sunset by a lake...with a friend.
This morning I woke up and I prayed "Lord I want to honor you with my life" God answered "great, this world has lost its glory...lets go out an polish it a bit"...Did He take me out to a church? Did He take me out to preach or evangelize? NOPE.
We went to class. And we gave one of the best classes ever taught. Adjectives...that was the topic. Doesn't sound like the right way to "bring glory to earth"...but it was, and it was HIS idea!
It was a class that definetly challenged each person to BE...to BE alive.
MY QUEST FOR LIFE.
I still do not understand what it is all really about...but I am planning to find out. I will LIVE my life in a way I honor God. I will LIVE as I serve my God.
I will never again let ministry take me to death...to be a martyr is totally different, I would be glad to be a martyr...but this is another topic. I am talking about ministry choking life out of my days... my precious and limited days on earth.
I still do not know what it will be like, but I am going to find out...someday, when I get the courage to move on.
I am not really sure what I mean with this. You can laugh, I myself smile.
But that is the best way to describe an inner hunger, an inner drive. This inner drive has taken me to do the most incredible things...but it has not been satisfied. I continue to have a feeling that I am missing out on a key part of the plan.
It is strange because in a way I do have a satisfied feeling. In fact I often say "I can die now" and I truly mean it. I have given so much...I have done so much...I have done things with so much passion and zeal...so in a way I have lived life and I am satisfied.
Perhaps I should be more specific, perhaps it is my quest for Life in ministry ...but I do not want to limit things like this...I just can't seem to be able to find the right words. Right now I can only think of one person that could really understand what I am trying to say. And not because she herself understands this QUEST FOR LIFE...or has the answers that are unsettling me, but because she herself has the very same questions.
You see I love God. He is everything to me, He is my very best friend and I do want to make Him known. I want others to know Him, so He can care for them as He has cared for me. Life in this planet is hard, I do not understand how people walk without God...
But I have a huge void, somehow I cannot seem to fit into church or missionary organizations...everything is ok to a point...but then there is this point in which it seems we start to miss out on LIFE.
It seems we are so ministry oriented that we no longer LIVE. It is that simple, not too complex to understand. What is really complex for me is to understand how I am to serve God, without missing out on life. Jesus said he had come to give us abundant life, some consider this to be eternal life...but He would have said that. He did not, He said "abundant life"
And life is about having a cup of coffee while enjoying some good music. Life is about reading bed night stories to your kids. Life is about butterflies, flowers and sunsets. Life is about walking with mom to buy some bread. Life is about sharing secrets and love stories. Life is about falling in love and sometimes out of love. Life is about candies, ice-cream and cakes. Life is about having time to laugh with a friend. Life is about being human and being allowed to make mistakes and even to smell bad once in a while. Life is about resting and reading a good book. Life is about taking a visit to a museum. A sunset by a lake...with a friend.
This morning I woke up and I prayed "Lord I want to honor you with my life" God answered "great, this world has lost its glory...lets go out an polish it a bit"...Did He take me out to a church? Did He take me out to preach or evangelize? NOPE.
We went to class. And we gave one of the best classes ever taught. Adjectives...that was the topic. Doesn't sound like the right way to "bring glory to earth"...but it was, and it was HIS idea!
It was a class that definetly challenged each person to BE...to BE alive.
MY QUEST FOR LIFE.
I still do not understand what it is all really about...but I am planning to find out. I will LIVE my life in a way I honor God. I will LIVE as I serve my God.
I will never again let ministry take me to death...to be a martyr is totally different, I would be glad to be a martyr...but this is another topic. I am talking about ministry choking life out of my days... my precious and limited days on earth.
I still do not know what it will be like, but I am going to find out...someday, when I get the courage to move on.
posted by thisfool @ 7:46 PM
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