my inheritance
It has been a rough ride. The problems in Bolivia have touched a very "delicate" part of my soul.
I actually like what I see in me- despite the crazyness, the anger and the frustration- :)
I see a soft heart.
And one that refuses to grow hard.
One that refuses to grow comfortable again.
One that refuses to kind of brush aside the reality in which millions live.
One that refuses to quiet God down....I fight with Him, but I listen...and hope to stop fighting one day.
And I was mentioning to someone of how sweet it really is.
I complain about my inheritance...or I have been doing so.
Why not a normal project?
Normal projects are hard and need people that are honest and hard workers and you can messuare the results...and I am the sort of person that takes great strenght from seeing results. That is why I like carpentry for example, I take a chair, work hard on it and then I can see the result of my effort. I strongly need this.
But my project (awaken the church) is not like that. The results are more abstract...and they are harder to get.
So as I mentioned to my friend on the fact that it was my inheritance a smile came upon my face.
You see, I sound so much like my father...well in a way. Except that he was more gentle.
My brother told me this the other day. He said "yes, dad spoke the truth but with love."
I also speak with love, perhaps it is harder to notice because I speak so loud.
But love for God and love for the church and love for the lost....this is what makes me lose everything else, even my gentle touch.
Dad died and in my grief I call out to God:
"My dad is dead. I come to collect my inheritance!"
And now here I am. Doing exactly what I had sworn I would never do:
attempt to awaken the church.
I saw my parents at it. I saw people's reactions. How strange...all these years and there is so little change.
Very same reactions from people:
"you exageratte" or "but we are doing the will of God!" or "you are bitter and rebellious!"
My inheritance.
What is the beauty of it?
Well, when I am settled ...I sit on a swing next to God and talk about it.
He tells me of how an awakened church will understand His heart and hear His voice and obey his commands
He tells me of how awesome it will be for thousands of people all over the world moving synchroniously without the need of international conferences, but since each person will have their eyes set on Him He will be able to direct the most splendorous symphony ever played.
How we will all just be in tune with Him to such a level that sin will be dismissed and the amount left we will be able to handle it in a mature straightforward way. And thus there will be life.
People will give money and that money will be used properly. People will understand their place, love it and enjoy it and feel fullfilled with it. We will be seeing miracles but we will also be in courts making sure justice is done. We will be worshiping in stadiums but once refreshed we will go to hospitals and to the poor.
We will learn to communicate.
Justice, love, unity...the foundation of it all.
God and not man the center of it all.
I will be able to say "I need to go to Congo" and someone else will say "I will give the dollars"
From there I will write and say "medicine is needed" and someone else will say I will send it .
and yet another will say "I am a doctor, I will go and live there"
Somebody in North Africa will pray "God send me help!" and someone else in México will hear the plea and say "Here I am I will go, I will go and comfort your people!" and someone in South America will say "I will pay for the trip!"
Soft hearts, willing to pay the price of listening to God.
"Bea, why the distances? why?" You may find the answer ridiculous but I truly believe that it is because that way true unity of spirit will be smelled. And because that way God will get all the honor. And because that way God can have more fun. He will be walking in the midst of what we would consider impossible- He just loves to walk in those waters.
"Bea! you are dreaming!"
No my friends, I am not dreaming...God is dreaming...this is His dream.
and for some devoid reason He chose me to dream with Him.
And I have chosen to dream.
I have chosen to believe.
This is my inheritance: to dream with God on an awakened church.
And when reality hits me I complain.
But when I sit on the swing, near Him and hear His heart sing with joy at the thought...
then I dream too, and smile at the thought.
I have gotten a great inheritance.
I actually like what I see in me- despite the crazyness, the anger and the frustration- :)
I see a soft heart.
And one that refuses to grow hard.
One that refuses to grow comfortable again.
One that refuses to kind of brush aside the reality in which millions live.
One that refuses to quiet God down....I fight with Him, but I listen...and hope to stop fighting one day.
And I was mentioning to someone of how sweet it really is.
I complain about my inheritance...or I have been doing so.
Why not a normal project?
Normal projects are hard and need people that are honest and hard workers and you can messuare the results...and I am the sort of person that takes great strenght from seeing results. That is why I like carpentry for example, I take a chair, work hard on it and then I can see the result of my effort. I strongly need this.
But my project (awaken the church) is not like that. The results are more abstract...and they are harder to get.
So as I mentioned to my friend on the fact that it was my inheritance a smile came upon my face.
You see, I sound so much like my father...well in a way. Except that he was more gentle.
My brother told me this the other day. He said "yes, dad spoke the truth but with love."
I also speak with love, perhaps it is harder to notice because I speak so loud.
But love for God and love for the church and love for the lost....this is what makes me lose everything else, even my gentle touch.
Dad died and in my grief I call out to God:
"My dad is dead. I come to collect my inheritance!"
And now here I am. Doing exactly what I had sworn I would never do:
attempt to awaken the church.
I saw my parents at it. I saw people's reactions. How strange...all these years and there is so little change.
Very same reactions from people:
"you exageratte" or "but we are doing the will of God!" or "you are bitter and rebellious!"
My inheritance.
What is the beauty of it?
Well, when I am settled ...I sit on a swing next to God and talk about it.
He tells me of how an awakened church will understand His heart and hear His voice and obey his commands
He tells me of how awesome it will be for thousands of people all over the world moving synchroniously without the need of international conferences, but since each person will have their eyes set on Him He will be able to direct the most splendorous symphony ever played.
How we will all just be in tune with Him to such a level that sin will be dismissed and the amount left we will be able to handle it in a mature straightforward way. And thus there will be life.
People will give money and that money will be used properly. People will understand their place, love it and enjoy it and feel fullfilled with it. We will be seeing miracles but we will also be in courts making sure justice is done. We will be worshiping in stadiums but once refreshed we will go to hospitals and to the poor.
We will learn to communicate.
Justice, love, unity...the foundation of it all.
God and not man the center of it all.
I will be able to say "I need to go to Congo" and someone else will say "I will give the dollars"
From there I will write and say "medicine is needed" and someone else will say I will send it .
and yet another will say "I am a doctor, I will go and live there"
Somebody in North Africa will pray "God send me help!" and someone else in México will hear the plea and say "Here I am I will go, I will go and comfort your people!" and someone in South America will say "I will pay for the trip!"
Soft hearts, willing to pay the price of listening to God.
"Bea, why the distances? why?" You may find the answer ridiculous but I truly believe that it is because that way true unity of spirit will be smelled. And because that way God will get all the honor. And because that way God can have more fun. He will be walking in the midst of what we would consider impossible- He just loves to walk in those waters.
"Bea! you are dreaming!"
No my friends, I am not dreaming...God is dreaming...this is His dream.
and for some devoid reason He chose me to dream with Him.
And I have chosen to dream.
I have chosen to believe.
This is my inheritance: to dream with God on an awakened church.
And when reality hits me I complain.
But when I sit on the swing, near Him and hear His heart sing with joy at the thought...
then I dream too, and smile at the thought.
I have gotten a great inheritance.
posted by thisfool @ 7:32 AM
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