cactuses

We have a collection of cactuses. Very interesting plants and beautiful. They can have the most stravagant and interesting flowers. They are even cautivating in the sense that they do not bloom as easily as roses, so you have to be observing them carefully so you don't miss their flowers. There are some which bloom exactly once a year and their flower lasts only one night, of course if you have one of these you do not sleep that night!
But people are people and they are not meant to be like cactuses. BUT we are. No matter the country no matter the age (exept for babies and some kids) most people are like cactuses...because they have been hurt.
I can see the beauty in people and I try to get near, but they usually push me aside. It is like...cactuses. Yes, I like your company, yes I need you to water me once in a while, it is nice to know you are around....BUT do not get too close, do not get too close.
I have been struggling to make people understand that DOING is not what happens first, what should happen in first place is the BEING. But they are still  very busy in the doing...and then somebody writes and tells me:
WHEN I AM BUSY I DON'T HAVE TO THINK OF THE PAIN.

And suddenly I understand.
And suddenly I feel strong pity for the people in ministry who are always keeping themselves busy... I understand.
Ministry is hard. You love people, you carry them in your prayers, you call them, you reach out...constantly reach out, constantly reach out. Constant giving, constant giving, constant giving...but then comes the times when one needs...and nobody is around to give.
Nobody is there to hold your hand, to hold you tight, to say "I understand"
and
to make it worse, so often these people, the ones you have given yourself up to- they turn their backs on you, they bite you, they talk behind your back.
Once when my dad was hurt in church, I remember thinking: "they are like vipers, they suck up all the good in him, and then kick him out of the club" He was no longer useful for their purposes, so they turned their backs on him. I am glad my dad is in heaven now.
I now understand people in ministry who never seem to stop. They can be told over and over to stop, to stay still, but I think the pain is too great. The pain of stopping and looking around and discovering that you don't really have friends. Not friends, friends.
Some people work with cars all day, so at least when they are lonely they have a reason...at least a reason that does not hurt. Cars cannot be friends.
But ministers, they give themselves out to people. So it must be extremely painful to realize that you dont have friends. Nobody to be natural with. Nobody with whom you can talk about your "things" problems or silly ideas or dreams...
Of course, not only ministers go through this. People are extremely lonely and hurt everywhere you go. And it is sad to see that even in church people continue to keep very much to their own.
That is why we like meetings and seminars and conferences and all of that...they do give us a sense of togetherness without real compromise.
I think we all walk around with one very clear idea: I do not want to be hurt again.
and some may even think: I do not want to hurt others again.

I was never good at math. And now I feel as if I were trying to solve a math problem.
I look at God and ask Him to help me figure it out.
Church is about people SHARING God and life...but most people are like cactuses, they DO NOT want to share their life with anybody.
It is more important to BE than to DO, but it is more painful.
And to sit still before God is dangerous...turning of the worship songs...and after a while of sitting still you soon have prayed all the prayers you now and that sound good...what then?
Then you must face the pain.
And we do not want to do that, basically because we have never been taught how to deal with pain.
So how do you get near cactuses without getting hurt? And how do you put a whole bunch of cactuses together and help them to be friends? to hug each other?
This is my math problem.
I guess the answer would be to take the thorns out, but most cactuses do not want to let go of their thorns, because they do not want to be hurt again.

So I allow God to take out the thorns, I do not want to have thorns. BUT when I reach out, I always get pricked by other people's thorns. So I have drawn back.
And I am in a mess, I like people, I do not want to be away from them. BUT honestly I am tired of getting hurt.

I am not sure about the HOW TO DO IT but I know that church is not what we have now. I have been complaining because we do not reach out the church wall but suddenly I realize we do not even reach out to the people INSIDE the walls.
No matter the amount of people or the amount of doctrine, we do not know how to love.

 LOVE and UNITY are to be the key elements of revival.
We have a problem. A big problem.
Prayer? we have prayed enough, we have even prayed for love and unity within the church.
It is time we start to get rid of our thorns, It is time we reach out, it is time we learn to handle other people's thorns.
It is time to learn to give and accept correction. It is time we learn to draw near, really near. It is time to take a step out of our safe place and to open our hearts.

I am preaching to myself
Easier said than done.