God loves adventure

Have you ever seen God as an extreme sport lover? or an adventurer?
Very few people see Him that way...but He is. He really is.
So I am having fun, just relaxing and trying to catch my breath and I begin to settle in the gentleness of a comfortable life, then He comes and says, "aren't you getting bored of sitting at the computer so much?"
Lets go out and get some fun...Europe, that would be nice.

I ...I do not know how to react. But I know His voice and I know He has something in mind, so I smile and say ok, you lead I follow.

Vegar calls me and asks me "are you really going to come to Europe?" He wants to make his plans for his vacation and is probably wondering of where he should be and when in order for us to meet. I have no plans.
I have gotten one instruction so far: PRAY AND PRAY HARD.

and that is what I am doing.
I have want to do things in God's riyhym and time. I am challenged to see the beauty of God's synchronization. I wait, and move when he says move, and He moves all the rest of the universe...and as He puts things together...well something will turn up.

Fine, but Bea, when???? summer, fall, winter???? this year???
I do not know!
One thing I know Europe is Alive. What do I mean with that? God has something in mind, He really wants to see me in Europe, He does not let my heart rest, He does all sorts of different things just to remind me that Europe is in the agenda and that I should be praying.

For example: the other day He asked me to go out for a walk and in this walk he guided me through different streets, and then in one street there was a pile of trash and on this one bag there where all the names of the countries that I will visit. WOW. I gulp and say AMEN....and move on as quickly as I can.

God moving. God telling me what His plans are.
There is nothing I can do to get there. That is the adventureous part. there are so many BUTS...
This time I have a huge smile, I refuse to press in any wrong way...
I only lean back, and pray and wait.
Europe is alive...have no idea of how I can possibly get there...but I choose to take a huge leap of faith (extreme sport)
Yes, I will go to Europe, someday...only God knows when.

Norway

I was just fine...until I read Siljes letter.
I promise I was in one piece and feeling optimistic about life. And even bragging that I am beginning to feel strong and that I am starting to consider going out and serving God right here in Mexico, my beautiful and beloved country.
Nothing like eating with tortillas and beans! Mexico...I am here and happy...until I read that letter and I start to cry.
God loves doing things in a crazy way. He just seems to love it. I wonder if I will ever get used to His way.
Silje said "I wanted to send you a chocolate from Norway, so you would have a piece of Norway"
I cry.
I will get to Norway someday...I know...these are the same tears I used to cry for the jungle in Bolivia.
I was in La Paz and the jungle seemed soooo far away...it was in many ways...and I would cry and cry because I couldn't go.
And then God took me to the jungle and then I did what I had to do, and then the pain went away.

Funny thing is that I didn't really DO anything in the jungle. No proyects, no programs, did not take money nor medicines... yet I did what I had to do:
I loved the people
I encouraged them
I held them tight and reminded them that God had not abandoned them.
I did my part, I am satisfied.

and then God does things in a strange way and I end up visiting Norway. It was sooooo strange. Don't think many people know how God provided for the ticket. I think I will share the story, only to make you laugh and to get a smile back on my face.
There was a brother in our church who had a lot of money. When we were in a small learders meeting the trip to Europe was mentioned. I noticed contempt in his eyes. And God told me to tell him that he should watch out. He did not have to help in any way but he should not critizice that which was in God's heart.
So I went to his office the following week (and only a week before the trip) and I told him exactly that. I made it clear that I was NOT going to go and that I did NOT want to go, but that I had been praying for more than a year and had it clear that our pastor HAD TO go, it would be a trip that would change his life.
We talked for a while and he told me his point of view. I simply added that he should be careful and should not criticize...
He paid for my ticket. He did not tell me anything directly he gave the money to the pastors and they told me. The sunday before we left I was praising God with my hands lifted up in the air and he gently walked by and teasingly said "have a nice trip"
That was all.

even now I do not understand what moved him to pay for my ticket...sure God...but...I did not want to go...I mean... never mind it will remain a mistery.
Funnier thing yet:
That trip has changed MY LIFE for ever.

I know this is the end of this letter.
I sigh...Norway...tulips.... I sigh.

Beethoven

This morning I laid on my bed. I had done my chores and had taken my shower, so I had some time off. I laid on bed and put a Cd with Beethoven's 9th symphony.
My soul drank the music. I started to think... all different kinds of thoughts. As I heard the music I though...must soon paint my ceiling-white is too dull.
Then I remember when my friend Zana told me that some preacher had actually said that Beethoven was diabolic. I don't know the preacher, and definitely I never met Beethoven but I will not be surprised if I meet him in heaven.(Beethoven, I do not know if the preacher will make it in) Of course, only God knows exactly where Beethoven will spend eternity.
But I truly suspect that Beethoven heard the words I long to hear: "Well done, my faithful servant"
I mean, just listen to that symphony!
Too bad Beethoven is dead. I think I would have enjoyed being his friend. He liked walking in the forest, I love nature myself. And because he was rather different in his ways I think he would not mind my own differentness.
I know he was deaf, but it wouldn't have been a problem. I am so sure we could have spoken with our eyes. You see I do not understand math, but music I do understand. I am not good at producing music, but it sinks to the deepest parts of my soul, my spirit and even my body.
Music makes me cry and smile...music produces life in me. Life and God they go by the hand.
I have never been to Vienna, but it doesn't matter ...music is constanly moving my heart. God and I have lots of fun with music. We truly enjoy it. When I went to London my friend and I had an extremely good moment with God, it was in the subway, we were in a rush. But then down the hall we started to hear somebody playing the violin. We stopped, and drank the music, and God drank it with us. Better than any lemonade I have ever tasted. Splendid moment. Just the kind that makes life worthwhile.
The next sentence might sound profane, but you can't kill me because we are so far away, so I will say it anyway:
In heaven, I will spend more time with Beethoven than with Moses.

Moses is a cool guy, but for some reason I don't think we would have been friends here on earth. Maybe I am wrong, just an impression. I admire him and acknowledge the authority he had in God, but I do not imagine myself walking by his side in the desert looking at the star filled sky and yoking around.
And as I thought this silly thoughts I started to understand that as a church we have often missed out on life. And I have started to understand why people who are thirsty of God often do not make it to church. They love God, but they want to enjoy life.
As I kept thinking I understood that in church we often want to control people's lives, we begin to play god. We want to control them in such a way that they will not complicate our existence.
We have really forgotten what it is all about. I believe that is due season that we begin to understand that we should imprint Godly principles in people and then set them free to live their lives.
I have never read a biography on Beethoven, so I do not know much...but I strongly suspect he did not go to church. If he had he wouldn't have composed the 9th symphony.
In church we are so afraid of anything that is new. We freeze as somebody starts to hum a different tune. We either force him to quit or to go. Not Godly at all.
God the amazing wild creator, if you do not think He is wild you should look at some national geographic magazines, ambicious and diverse, out of this world, His imagination so great and putting a bit of all that creativity in human beings...God expecting to see what each will do with the colors He has placed in our hands. He gives us a huge white sheet of paper and says "paint, paint your life!"
People get to church and first thing we pastors do: "hand in the watercolors, they are too messy, and the white paper too, we will give you crayons and a fill in the blanks coloring sheet- be sure to follow the color code. 1-red, 2-yellow, 3-blue and 4-green"
"Excuse me pastor, I like pink, can I use pink?"
"Man, I think you have a rebellious spirit that should be casted out!"

I am not making fun of spiritual warfare. I practice spiritual warfare myself, but I am making fun of our silly ways. Impractical and suffocating ways. If we only understood God!
Implant people with biblical values, then let them go and enjoy life...give them all kinds of colors, pastels, watercolors, oilpaints...show them the basics and then...leave them alone and let them paint. It is their life!!!

Maybe it is the music that has gone up to my head...another thought hits me hard: I have imprinted my kids heart with bible values...they will be allright, they will be allright. They may choose some black and gray and brown...but in the long run the picture will be just fine.

a princess and dragons

I am in my room. I look at them from afar. As if distance would change my destiny. God had spoken to me about them several years ago. When I returned from my first trip to Europe. He had made it clear that my weapons were ok for the jungle but not for Norway.
He showed me a sword and a shield that would suit the task. I noticed that they were not my size. He made it clear that I would have to build muscles before being able to hold them and use them.
Now they are in my room, along with the rest of my army clothes. I take a deep breath. I should change, but I do not. I am wearing a simple white dress. I walk out to the porch. I look past the garden , the village and the valley. I look into the mountains ahead. There the dragons abide.
I sit on the porch's railing. I sigh. I look at my hands. They are so small, so feminine. Not all that gentle, gardening has made them a bit though, but one thing is fighting with a weed, quiet another is to fight a dragon.
I slowly strech out my legs. I look at my feet. I put them down as I shake my head and look into the mountains ahead. How did I get in this mess? Dragon killing is for men.
Where are they? the men of the ancient stories? the bold men that would bravely stand against all odds? the handsome guys that would laugh at the face of danger?
My horse neighs. I ignore him. He is also restless. He can smell it in the air. It is time, it is even late. He continues to call my attention from the stable that keeps him restrained.
I turn my back on him and jump on the porch.
The King is standing at the door.
I quickly look down and gulp. I know He will ask me why I haven't even changed.
Before He speaks I blurt out:
"I do not want to go out there alone."
His deep voice answers:
"Bea Gasca, who said anything about you going alone"

I lift my eyes surprised
and see that He has his warlike clothes on.

thinking out loud

I have been gone for a year. I was away, having a one to one talk with God. I come back and it is so good to meet with people I hadn´t had nearby all this time. We pick up our relationship once more.
I wasn´t aware of all the changes I have gone through, now they become more evident. I should actually be leaping joyfully. But I am not. I am overwhelmed and a bit downhearted. I just want to share...
So, I am back...but I am not the same person people once met. I begin to understand the hard road that lays ahead of me.
In some ways, I am the same. My friends will only have to sit down and look deep into my eyes, and they will find me there.
But I am very different now. I understand justice in a clearer way. I understand the importance of order and obedience. I understand the need for holiness. Not only to bring forth a revival. Just to be acceptable before God, and to gain access into the abundant life Jesus bought for us on that cross.
This brings a certain fire into my eyes and into my words.
I hadn´t noticed before...because I hadn't spoken to many before.

Bluntness, straighforwardness, clear ideas: this is wrong- stop.
I now wonder what it will be like for me in the future. I have a feeling it won't be easy. I am not scared of the difficulties. But I am deeply bothered by the same question again:
"God, what you have placed in my hands is a large task, Will I be able to carry it out?"

Have you studied Josaphat? on the margin of my Bible I wrote my description of him.
JOSAPHAT a man that:
- searched for God with all of his heart
-heard the prophet and changed
- studied the Bible
- humbled himself before God.
- AND took his people to all of the above.

Will I be able to take "my" people to all of the above?
Will I be able to take "my" children to:
search for God with all their heart
hear the prophet and change
study the Bible
humble themselves before God

Why am I overwhelmed by the challenge?
Because I now understand the nature of sin. I understand the deep roots of stubborness and rebellion that abide within us. And how these rise like huge monsters to devore anyone who might dare hint that they should be killed.

I have a lot to learn.
I am overwhelmed.

it was needed

I have them all in a folder. Nicely typed out, clear and organized.
My mission statement, my objective, my ministry, my defenition of church, my definition of revival, my description of the pastor I need, my vision, my plan.

I take a deep breath. I can't believe it is all there. So clear.
"God, couldn't you have sent me all of these by fax?"
God is God, He could have done it, instead He took me through three years of following Him in the dark.
"What are you doing God?
Why do you ask me to turn this way?
Shouldn't we have turned left a while ago?
Lord, I do not want to be negative...but we are losing everything- my testimony...my family...
Lord? are you listening to me?"

"Trust me. obey." Such constant words.
I wish you could understand what it has been like...walking in the dark, only His voice ahead of me, guiding my every step.
The result now lays on my desk, in a folder, nice and clear.
Couldn't we have done it any other way?
I insit with my question, even though I only think of it- not daring to ask out loud.
It has been hard- this walk in the dark.

God looks at me gently and asks. He asks ever so softly. It is as soft as my own question was.
"Bea Gasca, if I had sent it to you by fax, would you have believed me? Would you have thought it was possible? Would you have really understood the yearnings of my heart?"

All pain and weariness begins to wash away. I lean back on my chair.
"No, Lord, I would not have believed you.
No, Lord, I would not have thought it possible.
No, Lord, I would not have understood the yearnings of your heart.
Lord, you are right - it was needed. This long dark walk."

You guys, do you understand that we are talking about a revival in which the people's hearts will be intertwined? I have seen humans destroy each other, everywhere even in the church.
But I know that unity, love, dignity, respect all of these will be things that we shall see, I know that they are part of things that no eye has seen...
If God had told me this by fax- I would not have believed Him. It was through this walk
that I understood that this is part of the plan. And it is possible.

Do you understand that we shall live much of the book of acts? Not only the miracles ...the walk: God saying "go to the house in this town and you will find a man, his name is Peter, he has a message for you"
If God had told me this by fax- I would not have believed Him. It was through this walk
that I understood that it is part of the plan. And it is possible.

I know I have a long ways to go. But today I feel at the top of the mountain.
Of all the wonders, past and future.
Of everything fun, cool, awesome that I have done.
Of all the conclusions that I have reached.
Of all ....
I sit in silence at the truth that is spoken from God.
"Bea Gasca, you understand my deepest longings well."

"Father,
I have been complaining all this time, even today.
I am sorry.
Father, if it helps any to sooth your pain:
I would do it all again.
Father,
Thanks, for sharing your heart, your pain, your dreams, your longings with me.
Father,
Thanks, for making me your friend.
Father God,
I want to be your friend, for the rest of my life.
I love you.
I love you lots and lots.
In Jesus' name
amen.

my plan

when God called me into ministry several years ago. I had no idea of what He had in mind.
NO IDEA.
People asked for my plan, yes they were interested in supporting me ...but did I have a plan?
NO.
And now?
No.
I do have a plan. It is detailed. Dates, activieties are all carefully planned.
But it is on God's desk.
He keeps the agenda.
I get up every morning and check it out.
I am allowed to see only what God points out.

Back then I was confused, as everyone else was.
But by now I am comfortable with the issue. Yes, it is true that sometimes I still wish I could get to look at everything but...no...it just doesn't feel right.
Doing it this way has strengthened my confidence in God. I like it, it is cool- I would not want it to be any other way.

Back in those days God gave me a word:
"Bea Gasca, trust me.
What you are going through today is leading you to where you are headed for."

When people asked me:
"Where do you want to be 5 years from now?" (hinting that I had no clue as to what I was doing and thus wasting my life)
I answered:
If I take the steps God asks me to take today, in five years I will be exactly
where the agenda says I should be.

Today more than ever I am certain that this is the way it will be.
So this is my plan:
To look into the agenda every morning...and follow HIS PLAN.

my objective

I was allowed to take a group of young people to the jungle.
We were all on the bus and the pastor spoke:
"okey you guys, while you are away on this trips you are under Bea's authority,
you must obey her."

One of the girls called me to her side and whispered "Bea, do we have to obey you, the same way you obey the pastor?"
I smiled and whispered back "When you pray and read your Bible as much as I do, when you clearly hear God's voice...then make sure you obey God and not me."

As I mentioned the incident to another pastor later on, he looked at me in total shock. So I went on to explain that in deed this was my objective.
Eagles are meant to fly, they cannot be kept in the nest.
I want my disciples to get to know God and His voice so well that they can fly off and leave the nest someday.
Again my friend's eyes were full of confusion. "If we do that, soon we won't have anybody to pastor!"
Wouldn't that be great- we could go on a vacation. But reality is that there are sooooooo many people on planet earth that it is not likely to be so.

On that same trip I sat at the end of the bus and talked a lot with God. "Bea, wouldn't it be cool if we were really ready? You see that path ahead of the road I would set it on somebody's heart to stop right here and just follow that road. And take him to ministry the people in that village." I could imagine the scene clearly. One of the kids getting up and saying "STOP! God told me to go down the road!" We would stop and pray and watch him start on his way...what stories would he have to tell? what mission had God prepared ahead for him?
God and I sighed. Then we looked at our present bunch. Neat kids...someday....some of them... we will have to wait.

God has taken me to a place where I can distinguish His voice, and through some trainning of what obeing Him can bring forth. This is my objective. To train people to know God, and to hear His voice AND to obey Him.
No matter the cost. No matter the risk. No matter the fact that most around haven't heard a thing-less likely have heard from God.
This is not a new type of christianity. Read your Bible that is the way it is supposed to be. I am sure everybody agrees with me this far. But what if one of my disciples comes up and says:
"God told me to marry a prostitute."
"God told me to go and confront the pastors of my city"
"God told me to go and tell the president that he shouldn't have an affair"
"God told me to pack and leave this city...leaving all behind"

Gets shaky, doesn't it? These were the type of instructions God gave to people in the Bible. Only some examples. Many other weird things went on in christians' lives...
hhmmm...
"Bea, if that is like that, I rather you stay away from my children"

Before you say this, let me remind you that the world is changing and it is changing fast. The world we are to face is a harsh one. We talk about revival but somehow we can't seem to add up the fact that the revival will come in the midst of a terrible world.
Just yesterday a man from the water company came to our house to give us instructions on how to save water...in recent studies it has been estimated that there won't be any water in ten years (in the water deposit that is now being used). Ten years sounds far away doesn't it, but it isn't.
We better open our ears and hear God. I was alone in this walk. But now that I have gotten in touch with other prophets...they have received exactly the same message. Church prepare.
Some will get instructions to leave their cities. Others will get instructions on how to survive in their cities. But only the people who are in tune with God will know exactly where to move to and when.
I believe that the people that I am trainning will be people who will be used by God in such a time to bring relief to many others. They will most likely be leaders of "refuge cities" (most likely very small groups of people) where they will be able to guide people as to how to find food, water and safety.
Before this actually comes to be, these people will be used by God in many different ways. Since God knows all paths, He will show them shorcuts to ministry and thus be able to achieve in minutes or days things that so far have taken months or years.
Sometimes they will minister large groups, others small and yet others will travel for miles just to minister to one.
They will be sooooooooo connected to God that they will not need maps, God will show them every step they must take. They will find the place and the person God needs to touch. And they will find exactly the right words to make a difference in that life.

awesome, ¿no? We will have the privilage to walk in things that so many others have prayed through.

This is my objective: that my disciples should learn how to hear from God, so they won't
depend on me or anybody else...free from chains to fly.
Fly high into that which God has planned for them, from the beginning of time

my definition of ministry

I like people and I love God. So I talk to people about God (teach and preach) and I talk to God about people (pray)

This is my simple idea of a chrisitan life. That is the way it should be.
ever since God called my into minsitry again I have had one prayer in my lips:
"Lord, I want it to be different this time. I do not want to get lost again"

What do you mean? God kept asking, and I wasn't so sure.
I did mention some things here and there. But it wasn't really what I meant.

Now I know what I meant. I want it to be the way it had always been until I got things messed up with other people's idea of what it should be like. Ministry, I mean.
What is ministry about? I will not describe other people's definition of ministry.

I know mine:
I like people, and I love God so I talk to people about God,
and I talk to God about people.

Today I got several letters.

One read: "My baby now says mom!"
my heart beat fast, tears filled my eyes, my lips whispered thank you God!

One was signed: "tu hijita, " (your daughter)

Another said: "My girlfriend is....and my parents like her a lot."

another said: "My husband is going to Africa for a month tomorrow. It has been 2 years
since you prayed for me in the hotel."

Do you get the feeling? It is gentle, it is love, it is people sharing life and God.

Another person wrote:
"My eyes have been opened to the reality of my need for deep change.
I cannot blame my husband. I need a new heart.
Yes, my dear, I know where to find it: in the Word of God."

You have no idea of what these words meant to me.
It was worthwhile. Everything I have done has been worthwhile.
I have paid a high price, it has been worthwhile.
How terrible it would have been, for my friend to reach this point and not to have a clue as to where to go for help. REAL help. I know she is going through the roughest time in her life, but I smile in the inside. We have never been closer to victory before!

Gentle, soft...no real rush. This I do not want to lose.

"Bea, you are talking about a revival- that is hundreds of thousands of people...get real! It will not be like that!"
I bet you are wrong....mmm we aren't suppose to bet.
Well, I refuse to believe it wont be so.

It is unity that God loves. This is what it really is about. Humans together. Not because they are in a building but because their hearts are braided together.

When I was allowed to take a group of young people to the jungle I got a taste of what it can be like. 30 people in adverse conditions- loving eachother, and loving those around.
It was simple. Not confusing. No pressure to bring back a certain number of miracles.

I remember that I didn't have a chance to really train them. So I was worried about what they might do in the jungle. So I prayed and asked God "now what????"
His instructions were simple, "Tell them to love. They have received love. Tell them to love"

I was so proud of them as I picked them up from each village- to see the people hugging them and saying good-bye with tears. And they themselves with tears in their eyes. Relieved to go back to comfort- but with tears. They had loved.
It was a most amazing experience.
One that fills me with hope.

I do not want to get lost again. Others may have different calls.
But this is ministry to me, I do not want it to be any other way...even in the midst of revival.
Two things I do not want to lose touch with (I did both when I was in ministry last time)
I do not want to lose this personal touch with the people I love.
I do not want to lose this personal touch with the God I love.
Even in the midst of the revival.

walking in moon light

So I got out of the boat. I stepped onto cold water and into a dark empty night.
The sea was dark. The sky was dark. And nobody was about.

It was a while before the stars and the moon came out.
Beautiful moment of the night. Their beauty filling my heart, delighting my soul,
bringing back a twinkle in my eye.
At first I thought that that twinkle was a reflection of the twinkle in the stars, but I
later discovered it was the twinkle from my own eyes. We are alive and we have a song.

The night is moving on. We all know that after a night comes a day. I know soon the sun will be coming out. So what do I do? Do I turn my back on the moon and set my eyes on the other side, searching for the sun?

No.
I choose to enjoy the moon light.
I choose to enjoy the last quiet moments of a long night.
I choose to walk on the path the moon's light has drawn upon the still ocean waters.

Jesus walks with me.
I smile at Him. I have never walked on waters in the moon light before.
A moment that must be enjoyed to the most.

We walk down in silence at first, just enjoying, just savouring the moment, just letting it sink in
Then He splashes me with some water. I react and splash Him back.
We are just so happy to be together again.
Our laughter fills the night.

We continue our walk, once more in silence. So much on our thoughts.
So much gone through. Memories rush by.
My being on the boat. God saying I could not walk on waters. Stay on the boat.
I look away. I do not want Him to notice the tear in my eye.
I wipe it away pretending it was the sliding salty water from my hair.
Then reality hits me again...salty water! I am walking on water again!

I turn and look at Him. My smile is big. His is bigger.
We talk with our eyes. It has been a long, hard time. But it is past.
We hold hands, and give each other a hug.
No need for words. We know what is in each others heart.

Jesus and I. A lifetime friendship...gone through so much. Jesus and I.
Our heart fills with joy. We must celebrate! So we stand apart and with our eyes
we agree to give Father a surprise...and we start to dance.
We dance on the water in the moon's light.
Jesus and I for Father's delight.
No music to follow, just the beat of our hearts.
For Father's delight.

When I have to stop, I lean to get some water and splah it on my face.
Then I hear HIS voice, The Father's voice..."Hey, you two can I have a word?"
I look up my eyes big and round with the surprise.
I have been in discipline for so long that the gentleness and playfulness of His voice
surprises me.
I do not dare question such love. I simply stand in silence. With huge surprised filled eyes.

Father joins the walk and begins to tell us of the good plans He has ahead.
There we are, the three walking down the moon's light path.
Father talking of things that will be going on during the day.
Me not quiet concentrated. Still surprised and a bit nervous.

Holy Spirit catches up. He holds my hand. He brings comfort to my heart.
Not interrupting Father, He leans near by and whispers.
"It is ok now, little one. You have been tested and found right.
You are here by invitation, and are most welcome to join this special walk."

I take a deep breath. One of relief.
It is deep enough to catch Father's attention. He stops. We all stop.
He does not say a word.
He simply opens His arms and draws me close.
His love covers all.

He kisses me on the forehead.
He takes a step back.
Looks straight into my eyes.
He is gentle with His eyes and His words, yet stern.

"Bea Gasca, do not doubt my love.
I have given you an invitation to walk with us again, out of my love for you.
Because I enjoy you a lot.
But I will not take the pain away, the pain of having lost that revival shall not be removed.
It will remain strong every day you walk on earth.
It will be the thorn that will keep you humble and walking in fear of the Lord."

We remain in silence. I accept His decree. He is the judge.
I bow down my head and take a deep breath.
It is not an easy thought. The pain is strong.

Before tears can reach my eyes, the moon's light reflected on the water catches my eyes.
The little waves, splash my feet.
I take a deep breath. I am alive and I am walking on waters with my God.
I do not cry.

Drops of water splash me. I look up. It is Father teasingly smiling at me.
They all have the same smile. They all have the same look.
I am abashed. Do not know what to do.

Gently hardly moving at all, I draw my foot back.
I make my other leg get my balance, and then draw my foot forward,
collecting some water on the way to splash them all.
And we begin a water fight.

Our laughter and joy fills the universe.

Turn my back on the moon in order to look for the sun?
No, the sun will come- in its appointed time.

Me, I am enjoying the moon. It is not an eternal time.

(Thank you God for the cross, due to it we are now able to have water fights)

just for fun

This is just out of fun.
In the previous blog I mentioned the scouts and that the reader should go to the blog that speaks on generals and scouts. Then I wondered under what title I had written it...the titles in this blog are strange...
so I found it , it is under: Wanted: a brave pastor.

But then I looked at the index and thought..hmmm I forgot what I wrote, lets take a look at some.
so I chose two.
I went to "waiting" and "for the women I love"

Ja ja ja ja ja ja

I am laughing now.
Why?
Because after writing the previous blog I felt so strong that I was already making plans of what to do TODAY.
And today is my sabbath day.

HOLD STILL, BEA GASCA, HOLD STILL.

You know what?
I love God. I love this kind of details. God knowing me so well... it is sweet.

Now I will stop...and be still before my God.

I write in His love.
Bea Gasca

trainning scouts

I had a book on community developmetnt which was called:
TO AVOID MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES AGAIN.

I think this is what I am doing now. I am having time to analyze and just to put down on paper the conclusions I reach IN ORDER TO AVOID MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES.

For me it is a time of deep deliverance and joy. As I organize all these ideas, I am being able to throw to the trash the wrong ideas that made my previous walk in the ministry something tiredsome and confusing. I have walked too many miles under fear. I am overcoming fear through the revelation of truth.

I understand I am a scout, (see previous blog on this) I am not a general. That is why I cannot wear a uniform and just fall in with all the stablished routes.
I think God has appointed scouts into each army, precisely to explore new ways, walk down them and then go for the rest of the people and tell them: "I have found the path we are to follow now."

A SCOUT FINDS THE ROUTES, THE GENERAL LEADS THE ARMY TO WALK DOWN THESE ROUTES. Big difference- must be kept in mind.
These are different roles, and God has different types of people to take each role.

I believe that part of the reason the church is now stuck is precisely the fact that pastors have not understood the role of the scouts. They have not learned to see who is truly a scout, and they have not trusted the work God has already done in these people.
Lack of trust in God is sin. Sin is stopping rain from falling. The same rain we keep praying for.

I now understand that I am a scout. And I also understand that I am to train scouts.
Part of the pastors' worry in allowing scouts to take their place, is that people will all want to become scouts.
I believe that God has appointed different tasks for each person. Some are called to be generals, many, many, many, many are called to be soldiers. And some are to be scouts.
Yes, I will be used to train scouts. The people who are being pastored by me are scouts. Not because I like them and decided to form them into scouts but BECAUSE THEY WERE CALLED TO BE SCOUTS.

When God assigns people their position in the body of Christ, He also gives them a special chip. It is true. He makes us in a special way to carry out our job.
Pastors so far have tried to stop the scouts from taking their place out of fear. Fear to see their sheep hurt. This is totally wrong. Nobody is called to move in fear. Fear is a clear signal that something is wrong in our relationship with God. I remember telling God so many times, "I will obey, but I do not really trust you." I obeyed in fear- and almost got killed. Fear is dangerous.

I believe God knows who is a scout. And such people he wants to train for such a task. And the fact that there are many "scouts to be trainned" moving about on planet earth should not scare pastors. It should rejoice them, for that is precisely what is needed for the coming revival.
It is an answer to prayer.

Pastors who want to be used in the revival must get in tune with God and accept that there are scouts, and learn quickly what the role of scouts is within the Body of Christ learn to work along their side.

I am a scout.
I am trainning scouts.
I have walked ahead, I understand what is going on. I can be used to train other scouts in order to make their walk easier and TO AVOID THEIR MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES.
Specially so they do not walk in fear. This is a big mistake.
I am not assisting a congregation now, I am still praying to find a pastor that has understood all the above, or the pastor that God is dealing with to take him to such a place. =)
But I have my ears open, my eyes are wide open...I am waiting to see who God leads me to.
In the meanwhile I suggest that we start praying so pastors begin to understand the scout's role and therefore may trust God in order to let them take their place in the right moment.

I know scouts are being stirred by God all over the world. They are restless and cannot seem to settle with their school studies, or their jobs. God is stirring them with one clear message "it is time to prepare"
It is important that they keep in mind that it is time to prepare. Not time to actually take their place.
It is trainning time.
Do not panic, we will each get a pastor that understands this.
BUT that is God's job- to stir their hearts.
We just need to concentrate in dealing with our heart.
AND to trust God -He is God, He will get the pastors ready by the time we are ready.
Let us prepare!

defenition of church

Church is about people sharing life and God.

I want to give some examples of church life, of what I believe that church is really like and how I experience church life.

What is church? Church is:

1) Asking my son to stay home from school, buy some donuts and go up to the mountains.
To sit on the grass and talk and then mention how nice it would be to see some cows.
And God, deciding to join the fun...brings a cholita (bolivian sheperd) with her cows!

2) My neighbor and her son (catholics) with my sons, sitting around the dinning room table,
hearing me explain the word of God.
God deciding to join the fun touches their hearts.

3) Going to the small store across my house, talking with the owner about her plants,
cats, dogs, boys, husband and mom.
Holding her hand to pray.
God decides to join in and holds hands with us.

4) A scared young woman. A telephone call. Her walking in to my living room.
sitting on the couch. It is cold so I bring a blanket for her. I wrap her in the blanket.
Pass a kleenex and hold her in my arms.
God joins in and covers us with His blanket of love.

5) An old aged lonely neighbor. Not many friends. Hard to get along with at times.
Stopping by her house now and then. Encouraging her to plant some flowers.
Laughing as she looks at them bloom. And afterwars having to stop by often just to see
what new plants have grown.
I silently watch God smile with joy, to see this little one- not so alone anymore.

6) "I am pregnant, do not know what to do" she is single, she is young.
Encouraging words of love and care. Mothering her until her baby is born.
God the proud Father of both standing close to them and thanking me for my care.

7) Me standing in the street watching the rainbow. Two little girls walking up and we start
talking. What is the rainbow? They want to know. I tell them about the light refraction and all,
and then add the story of Noah, and Jesus... They smile.
God smiles. I smile.

8) A young bravehearted man, asking me out for a cup of coffee. And after a while sharing a
most special moment that He had had with God. The kind of thing that is a treasure, and
can´t be shared over a microphone.

9) A young woman's birthday. A small group gathering to celebrate. My obedience to God,
making her a crown of flowers, to put on her head. A prophetic word.
Her joy. God's joy. My joy.

10) Having lunch with a young man from India. He has prepared it with so much love.
His deep eyes. He doesn't speak much with his mouth, but his eyes are seethrough.
He is thirsty for God. My sons asking questions about the lunch. This man, making room
into my own heart. And becoming my son. All of this happens quietly.
The man's silence, God's silence, my silence...all joined.

11) A daughter giving me a pearl necklace on my birthday. We have spoken of pearls many
times before, we have spoken and shared the pain of gaining experience in our own lives.
She puts the necklace on my neck gently.
She claps, God claps....I blush.

12) Taking the pain of planting flowers. Caring for them with great indefinite care until they are
big enough to give away. Then hearing that it got broken by the dog. And not really caring,
because our love is so strong.
God being the provider of such love.

CHURCH IS ABOUT PEOPLE SHARING LIFE AND GOD

my vision

I received a letter from a friend. She has known me since highscool...long time! She writes and tells me: "I have read your mission statement, it describes you perfectly..." I sit back and I am totally puzzeled. HEY! it took me 40 years life experience, plus 1 year of retreat to write that unpolished mission statement!
And for her it was obvious all the time?!?
Well, perhaps it was the other voices that made me fall into fear and confusion...and then there is always that part of me who sins...
I finished the retreat and I was expecting several years of boredom ahead, before hearing God saying "ok, lets get to work". So I was extremely surprised when He asked me to get involved a couple of weeks ago. Surprised, glad and most thankful.
In order to get to work I had to change into my overalls, and as I was doing so, I suddenly realized that the questions which took me to the retreat last year...were still not answered!!
God being God.
He took advantage of my attention and showed me much deeper things...but now I was wearing my overals, and had my tools in my hands and then as I try to walk out the door I find these questions getting in my way.
I looked at God rather surprised. I am sure He laughed but not on the outside. So I put down my tools and sat down. "Lord, I need the answers before I walk out the door."
We have had a good talk.
Yes, that is my mission statement. It is good to finally have something printed and signed by God.
Yes, it has been a long walk. In 40 years you can collect a lot of junk.
As I went into the retreat I expected God to deal with my mind in such a way that I could adapt to church life. This was my true expectation.
You see I love God, and I love the church. You know that verse, the one that says, see how beautiful it is for brothers to abide together in love before God? It is one of my favorites. My house was always full of this. People laughing, crying, sharing ice-cream, enjoying life, living life together. This is my simple concept of church. By the way, we often prayed and read the Bible too, but it was a cool mixture of both.
For me it is that simple. People gathering, enjoying eachother and allowing God to be part of the fun. This is church.
So obviously I have problems when I try to join an official church. And usually the result is that I end up being called a rebel and being hurt by that.
For me it is simple: if God is going to be part of the fun, we have to let Him actually participate of the decisions- even if they are strange, even if we will loose a lot of followers by obeing Him. I mean...it is supposed to be that way. He is the master, we are not.
Let me talk somemore, it is important for me. I am honestly tired of being called a rebel, by the people who are supposed to be working along my side to perfom the task we have been assigned.
Somethings are wrong and have got to change if we are to participate in a revival.
Somethings are wrong and have got to change if we are to participate along with God.

You have no idea how much energy I wasted by fighting the fear of being bad. Of being wrong. Of being a rebel.
I lost so much strenght under the accusation of always wanting to do things my way- Hey! it was not my idea...it was God's! He told me!!!!

Church, ministry, life...it is not complex. It is rather simple. You get up and do it everyday. You hear God's direction, you obey. No problem! It really works out well.
My problem starts when I try to join the official church, the structured church.
I cannot seem to find my place.

For many it is easy to choose a place. Check the doctrine, the vision, distance from home, one or two more details and you have found the place.
For me it is hard. Real hard.
It is not the people as people that I crash into.
It is the structure that is stiffening.
I believe in order. I do. I believe in self-managment. I do. Clear finances....I understand that bit.

But my problem remains, I cant seem to find my place: the one to function in, to do what I have to do. And I cannot feel whole until I find that place.

Let me give you an example:
Understanding who I am. Understanding the work God has done in me. Understanding that I am imperfect, but yes I am now in conditions to give.
I arrive to a church. Any church.
But lets make it pentecostal or something that is suppossed to be more flexible.
Good doctrine.
The first thing that will happen: I will get a list of requirements to become a member.
This will most likely include courses of doctrine. Basic doctrine.
There will be a cell group appointed to me, and I will be expected to attend every week.
Some will have more requirements. Attend at least half a year, or a year before I can apply to be a member.
Finally I will be a member. Great. Now I have to walk a long process in order to get to a position of authority. Not the main pastor or anything of the sort. Just a cell leader. Nothing more. Your walk may have been different...I am talking out of my own experience. You have to attend one million meetings, then get the traininig, and then you get to open your cell group, or your family group or whatever it is called in that church.
You finally have your cell group. Great. Now you look at your schedule and it is full....of meetings. The cell group meeting, the leader of cell group meeting, the intercession meeting, the sunday meeting...and all the extra activities meetings.
    No time to actually do what one is supposed to do in discipleship, no time to visit the sick, no time to play a bit, no time to buy a flower and surprise visit someone, no time to sit back and listen to this person's heart, no time to knit bonds, real bonds, the type that will take you to the place where one can actually enter the other persons heart/garden with most respect and help in the gardening.
     Just suddenly extremely busy...but not doing what I have been called to do. So I stop and beging to question things. And I end up being looked upon with a frown.
It has been this way, over and over and over again.
"You guys this is cool, but what about my family, and what about the people that don´t come to church...and the people we are suppose to visit out there...and the hospitals...and the villages..."

Let me define myself as energetic..even extremely energetic. I have so much energy and so much to give that God always puts tons of people around me to care for. I mean, God knows that if He gives me only 12 people...I will kill them due to excessive amount of attention.
So where do I fit in the G12 system? lets say I get my list out now and say:
"ok, there is only room for 12....we have to cross out some names...."
Lets say I do it.
I will get into a gym to loose some energy there.
I cross out the rest. The ones that do not fit into the net.
because in the G12 system we divide the groups in a very practical way: a net of men, a net of women, a net of young people.
So lets say I am in the woman's net. I have to cross out the rest. The young men, and the married people and the teenagers, and the children....
good grieff! just writing this brings such pain to my heart...HOW CAN I CROSS THEM OUT FROM THE LIST...IF THEY HAVE BEEN PLANTED DEEP INTO MY HEART????

The church, is a people type of thing. It is not a factory. I cannot believe we are so sold out into a system that we forget the way it is supposed to be. I mention the G12, but way before the G12 came out to the market, I had similar problems with the previous systems. I have always had problems with the church systems. They stiffle me, they do not let me breath. They take out the fun of serving God.

Do you know God is interested in people?
He really is. Do you know that He has used me to minister to many who do not attend church? and to minister to others that are proffessing catholics?
Do you know that God gets bored with so many meetings? He really does.

Do you know God loves people?
Do you know the thrill He gets when we take the time to share with each other...a sunset, an ice-cream, a tear, a laugh?

Where do we get so lost? Where do we get so confused?
Do you know God moves in favor of people, even if they will never repent?
Such is the God I serve.
He does not comfort people so they will attend to church on Sunday. He comforts people because He loves them, even if they will betray Him on Sunday.

I am being honest and blunt. I do not know what will happen next in this aspect in my life. But I am glad to have things clear in my mind. It is so good to realize once and for all that I was not bad. I do love the body of Christ, a lot.
I understand this systems have been adopted to have order and some type of control so real wacky people do not hurt the young.
But today I am only in the step of understanding MY personal experience. In order to defeat fear and to continue my work with joy.
I have a ministry. God has called it time to move on.
I WILL OBEY.
There are people out there who are hungry for God... I will get to work.
It is late. I will do it without fear.

And all the voices questions getting in my way? I will push them aside as I say...it is not complex, it is a simple thing, it is about life, and love and daring to touch those who are in need. Such is my ministry.
I have done it all my life. Ever since I was a kid.
It is simple, not complex, it is about life, and love and daring to touch those who are in need.
Such is my ministy.

Mexico

Did I ever tell you God is really smart?
He is!!!

I mean, when I had to come back to Mexico it seemed like the worst idea one could think of...come and leave my children behind?
I remember that at the airport I was asked what I was carrying in my bags- my life I said.
It was that hard. I had to leave all things behind. I was allowed 60 kilos of luggage. After 11 years in one place you have all sorts of meaningful things.
I had to give all away. But I will talk about that someother day.

Today I will tell you of how nice is to be back. No wonder missionaries get to go home for a year after being away 6 years. (in some missionary organizations). It is a healing experience.
It has been so for me.
No need for special therapy. I walk down the streets and hear people, they are so much noisier here in Mexico, and I smile. I am no longer odd for my loud laughter.
When you are out you will most likely hear people laugh or joking around.
It seems to me people here celebrate life.
We are strange, even in the midst of tragedy we manage to laugh.
In october during the celebration of all saints, people place the offerings for their dead,
but during these days one can buy chocolate skull or sugar skulls, with the name of your friend
written on their foreheads. They are decorated with colors. And are a perfect gift for a friend.
Strange, ¿no?
But I mention it because it seems to me that it expresses the mexican heart so well,
we somehow manage to laugh at death. And if you can laugh at death, well, then you can
enjoy life- and laugh at most anything, and in most any circumstance.

People here are quick with words. And it is fun to hear them, even when they fight.
One day I was on the bus, an old man got on and the driver was rude to him. A man sitting in the back called his attention. The driver answered back. The man told him "remember you will be old too, and by the looks of it- it will be soon!" the driver acted as if the words had no meaning and only grunted. So the man in the back added "or who knows if you continue to be so evil, you most likely won´t get that far!".... and then everyone on the bus clapped.
I smiled. I had missed that sort of daily events.
Buses can be a torture during rush hour, but at other times they can be quite an adventure. After teaching an afternoon class I get on the bus. Tired and glad to be on my way home. Everyone had the typical "after a hard day's work" face. Then a young man hops on the bus, he holds a guitar on his hand. He walks down the aisle with new radiance all over his face. He stops in front of me. "My dear lady...what kind of music do you like?" So I chose a piece and to my surprise he calls out: "Hey, everybody the lady would like this song...what do you all say?" A man at the back answers "Give the lady the song she wants" I smile. A woman across the aisle looks at me and we smile at eachother. The boy sings the song. Then he looks at me and says: "Lady I stole your smile...I could have stolen your watch....would you please give me a hand?" I smile again. And give him some coins. As I get of the bus I think that he honestly deserved a whole lot more...he had done the impossible, he had made us all friends for a fraction of time. And he had definitely given our day a special touch.
I arrived home with a huge smile on my face.
I had missed this kind of stuff.

The guy that rings the bell to sell strawberries: "Princess would you buy some strawberries?"
I can't hide the smile.
"Where am I?" I sometimes can't believe it is real.

I watch the lady selling candies in front of a school. Little children all around. I observe her closely for a while. She couldn't have a better job. She felt so complete, knowing the little kids by name and asking them about their sister or father or vacation. She simply enjoys life.

Do not want to give the impression that this is paradise. It is not. Mexico is part of a fallen world. There is corruption, poverty and all of that.
People are not easy to get near to- hard to cultivate real friendships in Puebla...other cities are
different. But I am in Puebla.
There is smog and the volcanoe is constantly throwing ash so it is hard to breath.
The warm weather is getting stronger, and for me it is getting to be too much.
I mention this things so you dont think I am so much in love with Mexico that I am blind to its faults. I am not blind.
But today I am understandig why for me it is so simple, so natural to enjoy life: I am mexican

and today I am thankful for the present time. I know I will not stay in here forever, but it has been a nice rest. It has been a good change. One desperately needed in order to regain strenght.
God is so smart.
He knew how thirsty my soul was for this "dumb" things.
The things I grew up with, and are part of my soul.
I love Mexico. It is good to be home- for now.

mision statement-ministry

okay, here it is!!! I am not sure if this is the final draft but I need to start writing the ideas down...

My name is Beatriz Gasca Yáñez
I have been create to honor God.
Yes, I want to serve God, but honoring Him goes way beyond that.
I want my every move, my every breath to be a delight unto Him.
For this and for ministry I need a new heart.
This is my present priority. We are working real hard at it. (God and I)

God is God.
I believe in the Holy Trinity.
I believe Jesus on earth was God incarnated.
I believe He was risen from the dead and is now sitting on the right side of God the Father.
I believe that through His sacrifice on the cross one can find forgiveness of sin and redemption.
I believe God is God, and I am not.

I am a mother of three boys.
For now my ministry to them is directly related with how near I can draw to God.
The closer I get to God, the bigger chance they have for safety, a real life, and eternity near God.
So even if we are separated by distance...I am still working in my ministry as a mom.
I have my oldest son near me, and we are doing steady progress in our relationship.

I have a call to serve God.
I believe that I must give fresh water to my disciples, so I must have a deep and constant realtionship with God.
In order to carry out this task God has equipped me in an amazing way.
Because I had not accepted His full call over my life some areas are still very weak and in need to be trained.
I am a pastor, a prophet, a teacher, an evangelist and an intercessor.
I have the gift of encouragement, of healing, of speaking in tounges and discerning spirits.

The fact that I have several ministries explains my extremely different and varied reactions.
At one moment I can be extremely tender- like a pastor with a wounded lamb
another I can be extremely harsh and violent- the prophet who sees the danger beyond
most of my conversations will include a: God has been teaching me on the topic of ...
most always I will point to the cross- in teaching, exhortations or worship, the cross is the
center of all.
and it seems odd to me to end a visit without praying.

I believe that I am called to draw people near God, to show them the way to get close to Him, and to be His voice when He is calling them to draw near.
As I look back and decide what changes I should make as I minister I find two basic changes:
One is to ask people who I feel are thirsty for God if they want me to help them along the road.
before I would never ask directly (foolishness)

The other is that I am being blunt and clear. I no longer am afraid to announce that God gave all to draw near us and thus expects us to give all in order to draw near him.
I used to encourage people to draw near God, but never told them of the
high expectations God has. This produced very weak disciples. I have decided to change
in this area. I am going to be very blunt, and speak against sin with a clear high voice.

Apart from that I think I will continue to minister the same.
A friendship based relationship.
I will say what I have in my mind, I will not lie.
I do NOT believe that pastoring people means directing their every step. I will point out changes in their lifestyles needed, as God instructs me to do so. BUT I have often seen pastors taking control over people's lives. I believe it is my rol to help people find their way to draw near to God. Nothing more. It is true that as you do this people will often ask "what should I do?" BUT I really am aware that I cannot control people. THAT IS NOT MY JOB.

I basically am called to make God known.
I will make Him known.
The people I lead must understand that knowing God will affect their lives.
Which is one of the objectives of the cross: abundant life.
Yet it is important to make it clear that abundant life is not the same as "walt disney" life.
I have dared to go farther with God than most people I know, and continue to move on.
Every thing I have learned is now my duty to share.
If there are brave people who want to go that far in God, I am willing to lead them on...in hope that one day they will go beyond the place I reach by the end of my days.

I believe the Bible is the text book to be used in discipleship.
I believe that if people get an active communication going on with God, I become irrelevant.
Because they can continue their walk alone with God by their side.
I do not want people to become dependant of me, I want them to become dependant of God.

I believe that those who are called to serve God need somebody that understands their ministry near by.
I believe that they need somebody who trustes that which God has already done in them and encourages them to take definite and wise steps toward ministry.

I believe that many are called but few are chosen. We are all called into salvation and into ministry. But unless we accept to be trainned and prepared we will not be chosen to minister. I believe there is a huge revival being prepared and those who are understanding God's guidance are getting prepared and thus will be chosen to partake with God in one of the most awesome times of human history.

Having stated all of these I begin to understand why I am having problems in finding a pastor and a church. Please pray.
I need a church that understands my ministry and that trustes what God has already done in me. And supports me.
I need a pastor who challenges me to go beyond the place I am in with God- and is aware that such a life will eventually bring challenges and changes into his congregation.
I have a lot to give, but I know that I will give fully only when I am under the covering of a congregation, in order and unity with the body of Christ.

May God guide us all as we take the decisions that are now needed.